WARNING!

1. Do not try to follow any of the plans I have set up for The Slacks. This includes using 'The Slacks' as the name of your band/act; using the album titles Moptop Revival, Let's Party! or Natalie; trying to invent/make/add new genres called Surreal Pop, Surereal Punk, Surreal Rock or Surreal Metal; adding Lily Cole, Irina Lazareanu or Agyness Deyn to your band; or using any of the song titles I have used in this post (apart from Tori Amos' Raspberry Swirl).
2. After you have read this post, including the contents of the cut, you must add a comment to this post. If you already have a LiveJournal account, you must use that account, or I will be very upset.
3. If you can, add a post to your LJ about this post and your opinions of this post.
4. Do not use text written by other people in your comments or posts for this post, unless you say that all of the text is your own, except for the quotation of someone else.
5. If you have a quotation by someone else in your posts or comments, you must state very clearly who originally used that text/quote.
6. Do not make even the tiniest lie in your posts or comments. Only Losers Lie.

Thank you for following these rules.
For at least 12 months i've dreamt of The Slacks being the greatest band of all time. I poured my heart, soul and blood into the albums, lyrics, names and all the rest so I could use the band to not only be successful, but to express my artistry as much as possible.
Now I am telling you everything about a band that hasn't even be formed yet.

[I cross-posted this message at Pádraig Ó Méalóid's LiveJournal, because I desperately want answers to my questions]

I've finally got myself a copy of LoEG: Century 1910, and I loved it. But I would badly, vehemently, worshipfully love to see a preview of Century 1969. Problem is, there aren't any to be found. Please may I have a preview?
Pretty please?
Also, I've got a few questions about 1969:

1. Performance is referenced in this instalment. Does Mick Jagger appear as well? Is he even referenced or mentioned?
2. The plot is centred around a rock concert. Does Jimi Hendrix appear? He's the object of my biggest mega-obsession (apart from LoEG's Orlando, of course :-D ).
3. I noticed that Orlando WASN'T shirtless in the last instalment. Do we get to see his sexy abs or hairy, manly chest in 1969? I like hairy chests.
4. Are the Beatles mentioned or referenced?
5. Are there any sex scenes?
6. If so, with whom? Where? When?
7. Are there any other hotties in the new instalment? So far, there's Orlando (sexiest tranny ever), Mina (she of the milky white jubblies that are unclothed a lot of the time), Janni (who loves to swim fully nekkid-- lucky us), and all the anonymous half- or fully-naked women we see.
8. Why is it that a) there's so much female nudity as opposed to male nudity and b) the females are always 5,103,573,925,907,352 times hotter, sexier and prettier than the men (not counting Orlando, who's gorgeous and beastly as a bloke)?
9. Could my preview please have Orlando, Mick an/or Jimi in it?
10. Is there a sex scene with Orlando in it? Sorry, just curious.

Please answer all of these questions. Pretty please with sugar on the top! It's all right for you to answer the rude ones, because I'm now 17, which means that, in one year, I'm officially an adult. There's no reason for you to say that I'm too young.

Thanks a trillion,

Bryony 'Wannabe Hendrix Groupie' Temple

Top Ten #2:

Facts You Don't Know about Lily Cole

The most beautiful woman since Helen of Troy, it's little wonder that Lily has become one of the world's biggest supermodels. Now, ‘scuse me while I dump some facts about her here:

1.        Lily has tattoos. Honestly. She’s got fancy writing on her left foot and a little star inside her right wrist.

2.        Even though everyone says she’s English, her mother is a Welsh artist named Patience Owen.

3.        Lily has a sister named Elvie.

4.        Her mother, and her father Chris (a former fisherman), divorced very early; at latest, when Lily was five!

5.        She was discovered when she was eating a hamburger with some friends in London.

6.        She’s posed fully naked for Paradis, a French men’s mag. You can even see her nipples and crotch…

7.        And, yes, her pubes are red.

8.        I was told, by the universe, to form a band with her called The Slacks. I would be the front-woman and rhythm guitarist, Lily would play bass, and fellow models Agyness Deyn and Irina Lazareanu would play guitar and drums respectively.

9.        She is a natural redhead, but her hair’s not naturally the bright copper that fashion editors etc rave on about. Instead, it’s an almost dull strawberry blonde.

10.     Rumour has it she might be preggers with her boyfriend Enruiqe Murciano’s baby!

That’s this month’s Top Ten. I’m still at hospital. See ya.

xoxo

Hey everyone, I'm bored!

No-one's commented here since Jimi-baby was dead. Well, it seems that long. :-(

So I'm gonna start a competition. Every 50th person to comment on this post (note: not every 50th post, because I need more people to comment here!) wins a prize. And what the prize is is a secret until you win it.

So, ready...

Set...

Comment.

But you came here for lulz, not me raving on about a shirtless baby boomer. So, in no order, here are some macros and videos*:

* None of these were created by me.

(To the tune of A Day in the Life by the Beatles)


I went on YouTube today, oh boy. And I found some funny, crazy stuff.


 

Watchmen parodies, the League... and other nerdy fluff.




 

Hey, everyone, let's party!

I turned 17 today, meaning that I am well on my way to adulthood. I got an iPod touch, black Converse sneaks, a box of chocolates and plenty of phone calls from family members wishing me happy birthday. I should be happy... but I'm not.

My best friend, and LiveJournal's biggest Orlando fan apart from me, has banned me from commenting in his journal. Today. On my 17th birthday. I haven't been wilfully hurt this badly for years.
The friend, underdebate,doesn't seem to realise that I have autism and psychosis and 1) have zero social skills, 2) prefer things to people, and 3) can be extremely obsessive.

Could someone please explain why he did this? Please? Before I have a mental breakdown?

First Jess Nevins, and nowunderdebate. Accept me the way I am, people!
Oh, I forgot. We're suposed to be celebrating my 17th.

Have fun.



Bryony

xoxo
 

Oh. My. God.

I discovered, through a post on watchmen_lulz, an online game called Thule Trail where you control up to five people going to a music festival. Since the results were funny and Watchmen-themed, I decided to play the game using all the member of the Second Murray League.

Orlando does the first bit of action, and, surprisingly, it's neither sexy nor violent.

Of all things, a 'small fruit candy'?!? Let's see what other things he coulda stuck up his schnoz: Mary Jane, his fingers, surgical instruments, apple peels...

Since when did Quatermain speak like a Yank? Not that I have a problem with that.

Lando certainly likes to go on and on and on... :D

Carnacki does something?

Has Lando been snorting marijuana/apple peels/fingers?

Ewwww. Enough said.
 

Is 'pretty cool' the sort of language a 3000-year-old immortal from Thebes would use?
 

Tom's been all kinky with Lando. :-P
 

Hence the name: Great White Hunter.
 

I told you Orlando does a lot.
 

And now he's doing nothing.
 

Nyah nyah, global warming!





With some what? Some neutering with Exhalibur?





And I hope I was the lucky girl. Because, when Lando falls in love, he doesn't just fall in love, he makes love. Very good love.

Miss Orlando much?

Nope, just Lando's big ego... ;-)
 

Are you doing something horny with Mina, A.J.?

And that's it. When the game finished, Mina, Raffles, Carnacki and Allan had to sell their tickets and wash dishes.

THE END.
 

I think Jess Nevins (aka ratmmjess ) hates me.

In case you haven't heard of him (which is likely), Jess does the annotations to The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Every volume. Every page. Almost every reference. If it weren't for him, I wouldn't know nearly as much about Orlando. So it was only natural that I would want to befriend him.
Since I was already a LiveJournal member, I added him to my friends list and watched his journal for updates of interest. In between releases of LoEG volumes and whenever I was bored, I commented in Jess' journal, which was quite often. And then, one day, I decided to comment in his journal. A message saying that I was banned from posting in his journal came up, and I was confused. Did I annoy him? Did I give him too much to do?

And then today, while searching for Orlando online, I came across this webpage, which contained an interview with Jess. When asked on his favourite LoEG character, he replied:

Favourite, I guess, would be Captain Nemo, for the combination of the visuals, the attitude and the lines of dialogue. Least favourite is Orlando, who becomes very irritating in Century: 1910. (He was deliberately written that way by Moore, of course).

Unless you've been living under a rock, you'll know that not only is Orlando my favourite LoEG character, he/she's also my favouritest fictional character in all time and space, and the biggest obsession I've ever had, and generally perfect. As a man, he's buff, strong, confident and sooo sexy, and, as a woman, he's sweet, freindly, submissive and... sexy. So he's pretty special to me.

And I also once sent an email threatening to sue him (Jess, not Orlando :D ) because he badly broke my heart with his language.

If you're here, ratmmjess , could you please explain this?

Thanks.

Bryony

Hi everyone!
 

I just did a meme on underdebate's journal. It's called Words, and the rules are simple: I simply reply to the post by saying 'Words', and he (I think it's a he) describes me in five words.

And my results are a bit predictable... and, at the same time, less than predictable:

What, no autism? WTF!?!

But the fashion and make-up describes me, since I'm obsessed with both. My dream job is fashion designer, I want to be a stylish as possible, my favourite brands are Viktor & Rolf and Matthew Williamson, and I practically worship red lippy, lip lacquers and anything sparkly.
And my Hendrix fixation is almost as big as my Orlando one.
Oh, and what the heck does 'mod style' mean? Sure, I really like the 60s mod look, but the fashion looks I prefer are classic androgyny (like Marlene Dietrich and Orlando <3 ) and crazy, eccentric hippy rock chic (think Jimi).

Yes, I’m a schizo in more ways than one! Not only am I psychotic, I’m also a fashionista-cum-beauty-expert-cum-graphic-novel-geek-cum-Jimi-Hendrix-fan. You could call me colourful. But I also have a bit of a normal side, too. When I discovered that EA Games released The Sims 3 (or TS3 for short), I got ridiculously excited. Almost as much as when The Black Dossier was about to be released. And Mum is going to buy it so that I can play it when respite is around. But then I realised that even the video games release of the decade was not going to be perfect.

So, in no order, here’s my list of what I want in this new game.

1) Full body customisation

As I stated on the British EA Games forums, I refuse to buy TS3 unless I can customise Sims’ bodies as much as their faces. I even started a poll asking if anyone agreed with me. Surprisingly, the majority disagreed. I wonder why. But then, I also put up a list of sliders/options I wanted to see that went summat like this:

• Neck length
• Neck width
• Shoulder width
• Shoulder/hip ratio
• Shoulder sloping (how much the shoulders slope)
• Arm fatness
• Elbow/waist height (whether the elbows are above, below or in line with the waist)
• Wrist thickness
• Finger length
• Finger tapering (how tapered the fingers are)
• Hand width
• Hand length
• Breast size (female)
• Breast perkiness/sagginess (female)
• Man-boob size (male… obviously)
• Waist definition
• Waist fullness
• Stomach fullness/flatness
• Hip width
• Hip shape
• Buttock flatness/fullness
• Buttock size
• Buttock perkiness
• Leg length
• Thigh fatness
• Knee fullness/thinness (whether the knees are dimply and puffy, have protruding knee-caps or not)
• Calf shapeliness
• Calf thickness
• Ankle shapeliness
• Ankle thickness
• Height
• Width

2) A wider choice of beauty options

So I can create that perfect blue-red lipstick and matching nail polish. See #3.

3) Customisable nail polish

It’s one of the essentials in Nina Garcia’s book The One Hundred, sweetie darling!

4) Asperger’s syndrome

So that I can make myself.

5) UK spelling

In case you haven’t noticed, I hate US spelling because a) it’s ugly, b) it brings me bad luck, c) it can end the universe and d) it nearly killed me twice!

6) A more complex Turn Ons/Offs system

I just want it.

7) A cheat to turn ageing off only for certain Sims

How else will I create You-Know-Who? XD

8) Great music

The music was the best part of The Sims: Superstar!

9) Better building customisation options

I want to make the most fabulous fashion boutiques, baby.

10) a Sexy trait

So I can make myself. LOLZ.

Do you own 'The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen: Century 1910'?

Would you please scan some pages for me?

What are you going to scan in for me? (I've seen every other single scan of '1910' online!)

And have you got anything else to say? (Choose more than one)

Hi there,

I've had braces on since late January 2009. They were originally a dull/hazy purple* colour, but the first time I had my teeth adjusted with the braces on, I decided to make them a pretty bluish green.Y'see, when I was a child, green was my favourite colour. Then, sometime in my teens, it became red... the colour of sexiness and passion, and my fave hue for lipstick. Now it's orange, which is happy and vibrant, but doesn't suit my Winter colouring of blackish hair, sallow white skin and dark eyes too well. So I chose a cool, bright green for my braces.

When I first saw my green braces in the mirror, I was shocked. They were much brighter than they looked when they were just a strip that my orthodontist showed me; in fact, they were fluoro, neon, almost glow-in-the-dark! But I loved them; I always had a bold, colourful fashion sense.

Also, I went to see Wicked (yes, the musical about the witches of Oz) with them on, and they matched Elphaba's skin. Mum told me that, at the premiere, every member of the audience had to wear something green, e.g. emerald nail polish. Wicked is the first and only musical I've seen, and I loved it. So glitzy, so OTT, so powerful. But it was quite a bit darker and more emotional than the ads would make you think.

And Mum tells me they make my teeth look whiter.

I've had my braces adjusted for the second time today, and I've kept their colour.

Oh, and a few weeks ago, Mum bought LoEG: Century 1910 from amazon.com. It never arrived at my house, so I decided to look through my mother's order history only to discover a nasty surprise. Under 'Orders placed in 2009' (the year Mum bought the book), it said 'no orders or transactions'. WTF?!? I was so looking forward to reading Moore's version of The Story of O. Oh, poo.

I think I'll throw a tantrum.
Yours sincerely,

HOLY CRAP!

I haven't updated this journal since Tiresias grew boobs. That is, I've left it alone for five weeks. Remind me to never do that again!

Anyway, lemme update you on what's happened in my life.

My grandmother has just returned from a holiday in Thailand. And when she came back, she brought her family, including me, some gifts. They included four cheap watches, some high-heeled shoes (she has awful bunions), shirts by Billabong (or, as she called it, Billy-bong) and a few Guess bags. I was desperately hoping she wouldn't bring back designer bags.

You see, most designer fakes come from the Far East, and Australia is in the Asia-Pacific area, which is why the suburbs I visit are chockers with faux Dior, Chanel, Gucci, Louis Vuitton etc etc etc. And, if there's one thing I hate (loathe!), it's designer fakes. I love fake gemstones, fake pearls, fake gold and silver, fake fur and fake lashes, but I really draw the line at fake designer. So when Grandma pulled out four Guess handbags from her luggage, I was NOT HAPPY.

She gave my mum and I one bag each. My grandmother is a millionaire and loves being stylish, but she's also a migrant from Greece*, so when I told her that buying Guess in Thailand went against all her beliefs, she didn't seem to care less. I then told her some shocking facts that I read in Harper's Bazaar:

·         Many designer fakes are made by children;

·         These children are forced to do nothing but make fake designer;

·         When they ask to play or have a rest, they have their legs broken and then tied together so that they won't heal;

·         Most designer bags on eBay are fake;

·         Designer fakes can be used to fund terrorism; and

·         It's not only bags, jewellery and clothes that are faked. There is also counterfeit make-up (I've seen fake Bourjois 'Juicy Tubes'), baby food and even medicine.

My advice to aspiring fashionistas? There are some things that shouldn't be fake. Lips, breasts, cheekbones, noses, flat abs, slim thighs, and, most of all, anything designer. If you don't want to spend the big cash, there's always bluefly.com. You could save thousands. Enough said.

*But, then again, that could be said about Orlando *girly squeal* , who's never seen looking less than perfectly sleek and sexy, as a man or a woman.