To whom it may concern,
I have had a Suicidal Allan Moment. An Allan Moment (or AM for short) is when something causes the universe to end in the distant future, and a Suicidal Allan Moment (or SAM for short) is an AM that is so severe that I either lose the will to live or attempt suicide.
My SAM began when I was on the iTunes store. I was browsing the episodes of Family Guy Season 2 and innocently began to read the description of Episode 15: Dammit Janet. I am obsessed with this particular episode of Family Guy Season 2 because it mentions my crush, fixation and obsession Kurt Cobain. The first sentence of the description contained the spelling 'enrolls', which is a US spelling (the UK spelling of this word is 'enrols'). The SAM said that, if there were at least two US spellings in this exact sentence, that the universe would end in the distant future. I was as certain as possible that the only US spelling that the sentence contained was the spelling 'enrolls', but, while reading the same sentence, I saw the spelling 'center', which is a US spelling (the UK spelling of this word is 'centre'). I was so horrified by the fulfilment of my SAM that I almost attempted suicide.
I give you my infinite gratitude for reading this entry. I have, at various stages of my life, been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome, psychosis, obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression, anxiety disorders, schizophrenia, myopia and a navel fetish, and I am endlessly thankful for your appreciation of my various mental and medical conditions. I am also thankful for Kurt Cobain for feeding the starved behemoth that is my libido.
Bryony Hermes Temple